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I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

How many times did we say it this morning? M whispered ”I love you”. And I responded ”I love you”. Over and over…

Covid regulation is finally over; warm season has arrived; our hectic life in Powell River has calmed down for the moment. We are here in Lions Bay. It’s peaceful. We are taking care of our daughter’s pets while the family is visiting Japan. We went to visit M this morning at her nursing home in West Vancouver. We had not seen her for several months.

I stepped into her room, and was startled. It is certainly M who is lying down in bed. But, OMG she is half the size from before…. She has lost so much weight. “Oh” M saw me and called out and stretched her arms. I ran up to her and embraced her ‘skin and bones’ body.

The care taker person says M does not want to eat and does not drink anything. She is super dehydrated. Oh no, I thought….she must be trying to die by starving herself. She has been invalid and bed bound for many years now. It’s not unimaginable if she wished to die. However, of course, it’s not that easy to die…sadly. She has been lying in bed for years now, her hearing is almost completely gone; because of the stroke her ability to speak, read, and write is seriously compromised. She used to love watching politics on TV, but can’t any more. It’s not unreasonable if she wondered why she is still breathing.

I want M to live, have little happiness here and there….but at the same time, I don’t want her to suffer. I want her to be in peace. What a contradiction. You have suffered so much, M…you can join your beloved husband in heaven….you don’t have to suffer any more…. But, how can I say that?

Agonizing for words….I’m just repeating “I love you”, “I love you”, “I love you”

I came out her room saying…”I’ll come again, soon”, dragging my heavy heart.

I love you, M. I don’t know what else to say….but….seriously, I love you…. I love you so much.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

この言葉を何度繰り返したことか。マレナがI love youとつぶやくと私もI love youと返す。何度も何度も…。

コロナ規制がやっと終了して、寒い季節が終わって、忙しい私たちの生活が一段落して、パウエルリバーからライオンズベイの娘の家に来て、のんびりペット子守りをしている私たち。久しぶりにマレナのいるウエストヴァンクーバーの老人ホームを訪れた。

部屋に一歩踏み入れてギョッとした。ベッドに横たわっているのは、確かに私の愛するマレナ、でも痩せて半分になってる…。マレナが「おーっ」と叫んで手を延ばす。わたしも走り寄ってガリガリの骨と皮になったマレナの体を抱き寄せる。

ケアをしてくださってる看護士さんが、マレナは何も食べないし、何も飲まない、だから極度の脱水状態なの、と言う。ふとマレナは餓死自殺しようとしてるんじゃないかと思った。もう動けなくなって何年もたつから死にたいって思うのも無理ないなと思う。でもいくらそう思っても人間ってそう簡単に死ねないんだよね。何年も何年もベッドに横たわってるだけでろくに話もできないし、読み書きもできない、テレビも観れないし、耳も聴こえない。それじゃあ何のために息をしてるんだろうって思っても無理ないよね。

マレナにはいつまでも生きててほしいと願いつつ、でも苦しまないで平安でいてほしいとも願う。矛盾してるよね。ご苦労さま…もういいからマイケルの居る天国に行っていいんだよ…もうこれ以上苦しまなくていいんだよ、とも思うけど、そんなこと言えない。

悶々としながら、また来るよ、と言い残して重い心で部屋をあとにした私。

I love you, マレナ. I love you, I love you. I love you so much.


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Our Trip to New Denver, BC ブリティッシュコロンビア州ニューデンバーへの旅

Recently, we watched a program on the Knowledge Network about Japanese gardens in Canada. UBC Nitobe Garden in Vancouver, Japan Canada Yukoo Garden in Lethbridge, Alberta, and Kohan Reflection Garden in New Denver, B.C. were introduced. There were some explanations of who, how, and why these gardens were created. Histories, ideas, and some background behind these gardens were briefly mentioned.

I have to confess that although I have 32 long years of living in Canada, somehow, I never had the chance to learn or even be interested in the history of Japanese Canadians. Watching this program was an eye opening experience for me.

We had a long and beautiful summer this year. Neil and I were thinking of going somewhere on a driving trip with our two dogs before rain arrived. It would be perfect to go to New Denver to visit the garden and learn the history.

When I told our dear friend, Allen, about this idea, he said I must read Obasan by Joy Kogawa before the trip. It was indeed excellent advice!

So a sunny day in mid September, we departed our house in Powell River and started our week-long driving trip to the interior of BC.

New Denver was far. We stayed at a motel in a quiet little village called Fauquier after crossing Arrow Lake by a cable ferry.

We arrived in New Denver the next day. It is a picturesque old little town by Lake Slocan. Nikkei Internment Memorial Centre and Kohan Reflection Garden were on the other side of a river, separated from the town by a bridge.

We saw a big bear in the park near the Kohan Garden, devouring something from a garbage box.

In this quiet old town about 1,400 people live. There are some more small villages and ghost towns in this area surrounded by mountains and lakes. It was hard to believe that in the 1940’s 22,000 Japanese Canadians were squeezed in this small area.

They were all uprooted from their houses and businesses on the west coast of BC. They were first stuffed in the smelly animal sheds in Hasting Park in Vancouver for months, then brought to Slocan by train, then to New Denver area by boats. Amazingly, 75% of those people were Canadian born or naturalized Canadian citizens!! Men between ages 20s to 60s were sent to physical labor camps, forced to construct railroads or highways. Women, children, and older people were sent to these internment camps.

…..What?…. I have heard that many Chinese laborers were brought from China to work on the railroad constructions. I didn’t know Japanese Canadian men were forced to work in such construction sites as well……Many of them were fishermen or farmers. They were removed from their works, properties, and families, and shipped to work in those constructions….and they were all legal Canadians… how terrible….I didn’t know….

Their properties which they had worked so hard to earn …including tools, boats, cars, radios….were taken away, looted, and auctioned off. The government approved to sell their belongings, THEN charged them the handling fees for selling!

They could not return to their houses… ever. They were not even allowed to exist in the west coast of BC for several years even after the war.

People were allowed to take their necessities as much as they could carry by hand. They had to watch from the bus windows as their houses were looted as their buses drove away.

Apparently, discriminations towards Japanese Canadians started way before the Pearl Harbour. There were various systematic legal discriminations against them, e.g., taking away and banning their rights to obtain fishing license, not allowing them to engage in certain occupations like lawyer, medical doctor, teacher….etc. As they became successful in their fields, regulations were put on to prevent their success. The systematic discriminations were already escalating and broadening by the time Pearl Harbour happened. Pearl Harbour only provided a good reason for their removal.

They were Canadian citizens whose ancestors came from a country which happened to become an enemy…just like German Canadians or Italian Canadians. Imagine the lives of immigrants; they must work extra hard from zero in the new land, in an unknown environment, with an unfamiliar language, to build up their means of survival. And then everything they had built was taken away…just to make them suffer….just because they were Japanese descendants………..

Older people, children, and women were sent to interior BC like New Denver. They had to live through the first winter in thin canvas tents. Materials and tools to build the camp did not arrive for many months.

How did young mothers with babies live without privacy? How did sick people survive in such poor conditions?

There were voices amongst white Canadians, “Japs deserve to suffer, they should suffer to the maximum”

This is certainly not the Canada I know. How sad…

After the war was ended, Japanese Canadians were uprooted again. They were forced to make a choice of moving further east and work in places like sugar beet farms, or board ships taking them back to Japan.

For most of the Canadian born people, Japan was a foreign country. They didn’t speak the language or have anybody who could help them. Moreover, Japan was in total chaos. Many cities were bombed out heavily, people had lost their places to live, no food to eat….they themselves were struggling to survive.

Despite all that, many Japanese Canadians chose to board the ships out of deep despair. They felt there was no future, no hope for them in Canada.

After people left New Denver, the internment camp was bulldozed over to a bare field, as if nothing had happened… In 1989, the Japanese garden called Kohan (it means Lakeside) Reflection Garden was created. A young garden designer from Japan transformed this land of tears and sorrows to a beautiful garden. It is now a public space, open to everybody.

Beautiful town, beautiful park, with a sad history….

This was such a moving trip. I am still reading more books about the Japanese Canadian history. I would love to go back there again.

最近、テレビでカナダにある日本庭園を紹介する番組を観た。バンクーバーのニトベガーデンやアルバータ州レスブリッジの日加友好ガーデン、ブリティッシュコロンビア州の内陸部ニューデンバーにある湖畔ガーデンが紹介された。なぜ誰が何を想ってつくった庭園なのか…日系カナダ人の歴史についても簡単な説明があった。

私は今まで日系人の歴史については知識もなく、大して興味もなく、カナダに住んで32年にもなるというのにあまりにも無知だった。この番組に啓発されてニューデンバーに行ってみたいと思ったのだ。

折りしも夏の終わり、ちょうどドライブ旅行をしたいね、とニールと話していたところだった。

ニューデンバーに行って日系カナダ人の歴史に触れたいと友人のアランに話すと、「それは良い。行く前に絶対ジョイ・コガワの『おばさん』を読みなさい」とアドバイスしてくれた。

素晴らしい晴天の続く9月の半ば、私たち2人と2匹はパウエルリバーの我が家を出発、約1週間のドライブ旅行に繰り出した。

ニューデンバーは遠かった。アロウレークという湖にあるケーブルフェリーを降りてすぐの静かな村でまずは一泊、あくる日やっとニューデンバーにたどり着いた。スローカン湖のほとり、歴史を感じさせる古い建物が並んで絵のように美しい。日系カナダ人のメモリアル記念館は川を渡って、町の中心部とは離れたところにあった。

大きな熊が近くの公園で残飯をあさっている。

こんな平和で一見、昔から何も変わらないように見える町、現在の人口は約1400人だという。40年代にこの町と周辺の山奥の村やゴーストタウンとに合わせて22000人もの日系カナダ人が収容されたという。しかもそのうちの75%がカナダで生まれたれっきとしたカナダ人だったという。20歳から60歳くらいまでの男性は鉄道工事や道路工事などの労働に強制的に送られ、女性、子供、老人はこれら山奥の収容所に送られたそうだ。

え? 中国人の労働者が鉄道工事のために中国から連れてこられたという話は聞いていたけど、日系人も強制労働させられたんだ……全然知らなかった…

日系人たちは住み慣れた土地家屋を没収され、車やボート、ラジオなどの電化製品も取り上げられた挙げ句、政府の手でそれらを二束三文で売り飛ばされ、そのうえ売却手数料まで差し引かれて、文字通り無一文になってしまったそうだ。

自分の手で持てるだけの荷物のみを持ってくることを許されたという。

しかも戦争が終わったあとも数年にわたってブリティッシュコロンビア州に戻ることは許されず強制収用は続き、家や家業を取り戻すことは結局生涯できなかったという。

しかも、日系人に対する差別は、戦争時に始まったことではなく、その前から様々な形で表れていたそうだ。漁業、農業従事者に対してはもちろん、弁護士、医者、教師などの職業に就くことを禁じられるなど、多岐にわたったらしい。日系人がカナダで成功することを妨げる法律が次々と認定されて差別がエスカレートされていったという。そこに真珠湾攻撃が起こり、日系人を追い出す格好たる口実ができたというわけだ。

何の罪もない人たち、ただただ懸命に働いて豊かな生活を築こうとしていた人たちをここまで苦しめていたとは…ショックで言葉が出ない。

老人、子供たち、女性たちが送られたニューデンバーでは住居のキャンプが間に合わず、最初の冬は厳しい寒さの深い雪の中、薄っぺらい布テントで寝泊まりさせられたという。

「ジャップは最大限苦しめばいい」と叫ぶ声も多々あったらしい。

ショックで胸がドキドキしてくる。これは私の知っているカナダではない…

プライバシーもないに等しいところで、赤ちゃんを抱えた母親たちはどうやって過ごしていたのか。お年寄りや病人たちは厳しい寒さの中どうやって耐え抜いたのか。

戦争が終わってからも日系人たちはさらに東方の収容所に移動して砂糖大根などの農場で働くか、敗戦後の日本への船に乗船するかの選択を迫られたそうだ。多くの人々にとっては日本は見知らぬ所で知った人もいない、言葉もわからない外国、しかも日本は敗戦後の混乱で食べるものもなく焼け野原で住むところもないような状態、それでも多くの人たちが、収容所生活に絶望して日本に向かったという。

そんな日系人たちの血と涙で塗り固められた収容所の跡地にこの『湖畔ガーデン』は造られた。収容キャンプは跡形もなく撤去され、美しい日本庭園に変身して、一見何事もなかったかのように見えるニューデンバー。そこに眠る悲しい歴史。

なんだか深く感じ入るところがあって、旅の後も引き続き日系人の歴史に関する読書を続けている…

もう一度行きたいな。

今度行くときはまた違った印象を持つかもしれない。


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For Sosuke 奏佑へのメッセージ

Sosuke, Luke, and Renada

I remember the first day of school when Sosuke arrived from Japan to take Grade 2 in Canada.

He was so nervous. He barely endured the few hours of school. And he refused to go to school the next day. I generally don’t believe in “not going”, but Tomoka, his mom, let him stay home. He sat around doing nothing the whole morning. Tomoka phoned the school and talked to the teacher. The teachers and the class pupils discussed together what they could do to cheer up Sosuke and make him feel happier.

“Sosuke has just arrived from Japan. He can’t speak English. Just imagine, if you had to go to school in Japan and you don’t understand a word of Japanese, how would you feel?”

“What can each one of you do to make Sosuke feel happy and comfortable and included as one of your friends?”

That same afternoon, some children in the neighborhood came to the house. “Sosuke, let’s play!”

Sosuke’s face lightened up. He went over to the neighbor’s house and had a great time.

Apparently, it worked! It was just what he needed!

After that day, he never said he didn’t want to go to school. He played with neighbor kids after school. Sosuke was glowing.

His age, 7 years old, and his personality, gentle and authentic, contributed to making friends easily and fast. He learned to communicate without much language and still had fun.

He’s got countless stimulations from them. Scootering, bicycling, creating a basecamp, tree climbing, camping, swimming, releasing salmon babies in a creek, basketball…..I was so happy watching him challenging new things, growing more confident, and enjoying being a child.

He learned English so naturally, having fun with friends and his little cousin, Raiden. I have immense gratitude for everybody around him, including his friends, their parents, neighbours, and the wonderful teachers at the Lions Bay Elementary School. What a wonderful community.

So, what’s going to happen now? What would this one year mean to him in his life? Would he remember all these people who loved him? Would he remember English? Would he come back to Canada? I don’t know….but I know that, life is a series of meetings and farewells.

I think of Michael and Luke, his closest friends, who were crying, “why is Sosuke going back to Japan?”

Thank you for being such good friends.

Rutsu, Dustin, and Raiden, thank you for being so nice and supportive of Sosuke.

奏佑、ライオンズベイ小学校初めての日を思い出すよ。

1日目は緊張のひとこと。2日目は、学校に行きたくないと言って休む。休むのは私は反対だったんだけど、ママの知香がOKして、1日家でグダグダしてた。ママが学校に電話して奏佑のリアクションを話して、先生方が子供達と話し合いの時を持ってくれたらしい。

「奏佑は日本からきたばかりで英語ができないんだよ。みんなも日本語ができないのに日本の学校に入ったらどうする?困っちゃうよね。みんな何をしてあげれば奏佑が楽しく学校に来られるかひとりひとりが考えてみよう。みんな奏佑に優しくして仲間に入れてあげよう。」

早速その日の夕方、近所の子供達が「奏佑、遊ぼう!」と誘いに来た。奏佑、嬉しそうに近所の家に遊びに行ったよ。それからは学校もアフタースクールも楽しくて楽しくて、奏佑、輝いていた。

7歳という年齢、穏やかで素直で愛される性格もよかったのか、奏佑はあっという間に人気者になった。近所のお友達から受ける刺激が半端ない。スクーターや自転車はもちろんのこと、基地づくり、キャンプ、お誕生会、水泳、サーモンの稚魚の放流、バスケットボール、楽しそうで、伸び伸びして、子供らしくて、新しいことにどんどん挑戦して、みるみる逞しく成長して、私も嬉しかった。英語が遊びながら自然に身についたって感じ。近所のお友達や親御さんたち、ライオンズベイの学校、先生やコミュニティーに心から感謝。

さあさあこれから奏佑はどう変わるだろう。小さな3歳のライデンとよく一緒に遊んであげてた心優しい奏佑。これからもみんなに愛されて優しい人間に育っていくかな。カナダで出会った人達を覚えててくれるかな。英語を忘れてしまうかな。カナダに帰ってきたいって思うかな。思えば人生って人との出会いと別れの連続、これからも良い出会いがたくさんありますように。

「どうして奏佑は帰っちゃうの?」って泣いていた仲良しのマイケルやルーク、それにライデンのことを忘れないで優しいのびやかな思いやりのある人間に育っていってほしい。


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Messages to My Grandchildren….For Sumire すみれへのメッセージ

Surprising how time flew. A year zoomed by and my 12 year old granddaughter, Sumire, graduated from Grade 7.

A year ago, when she came from Japan and started her Grade 7 at the Gleneagles elementary school, in West Vancouver, it seemed rather impossible. She had such a big dream and so much hope, but imagine, with no English, coming from totally different culture at the age 12, it was incredibly challenging. She struggled. She felt lost, lonely, disappointed at herself. It was hard to watch that process knowing how she would be feeling, what thoughts would go through her head.

I had the same experience when I was 13. I know so well how hard it is.

I felt helpless and sad that I couldn’t really help her, no matter how much I wanted. She had to live through it herself and overcome. After all, I can’t live Sumire’s life.

‘However, my sincere congratulations to you, Sumire! You worked really hard. In only one year, you have made great friends with whom you had so much fun, in English! That is truly a great accomplishment, Sumire.’

‘I felt so proud watching you at your graduation.

After the ceremony we went to see your teacher to thank her personally. It was a deeply emotional moment for the teacher too, and tears moved to our eyes.’

‘Sumire, your hard work and your precious experience will definitely guide you through your future endeavors. You are one big step closer to your dream. Keep moving forward, and hold onto your dream.’

Sumire is returning to Japan at the end of July. She is now a different person, much stronger and more confident.

‘I’m sure there will be struggles and challenges waiting for you, remember what you have accomplished in the year. Work hard, keep smiling, and never give up.’

‘I will always support you, Sumi. Come to me when you need a big hug.’

あっという間に一年が過ぎて孫のすみれが7年生を卒業した。

12歳にして初めてカナダの小学校に編入して英語もわからず、慣れないことだらけでメチャクチャ苦労した。見ている私も想像している私も苦しかった。

私自身も13歳で同じ経験をしたから、すみれがどんな思いでいるのか分かりすぎるほど分かる。それだけに、何もしてあげられないのが歯がゆくて可哀想でつらかった。

でもね。すみれの人生を生きることができるのはすみれだけだから仕方がないね。

それにしてもよくがんばった。たった一年で仲の良いお友達もできて、きゃっきゃと楽しく遊べるようになって、英語でコミュニケーションができるようになって本当によかった。

卒業式を見ていて誇らしかったよ。式が終わって担任の先生に挨拶に行ったら先生も感無量だった。話していると私まで泣きそうになってしまった。

すみれの1年間の苦労はきっと報われる、どこかで役に立つ時がくるよ。夢を持ち続けて少しずつ少しずつ夢に向かって前進していってね。

今月末には日本に帰ってしまうすみれ、一年前のすみれよりうんと強くなってるすみれ、いろんな苦労が待ってるだろうけど乗り切ってほしい。

応援してる。いつでも何でも相談してね。Big hugs to you!


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Why? どうして?

Why?

I had been bogged down with various events, visits, errands, and couldn’t write my blog for a long time. One day in early July we finally came to our cottage on Texada Island to slow down, calm our minds, relax… I was hoping I could write something. Instead, this shocking news appeared on my phone screen….

Japan’s former prime minister, Shinzo Abe was assassinated.

Such a shocking news…. My heart sank heavily. My mind was flying all over. I couldn’t focus on anything. I couldn’t write.

I was always proud of my motherland, a super peaceful country and gentle polite people. And in such a beautiful ancient capital of Nara….? Who and why?

How could you hate anybody to the point of killing that person? Apparently there was no personal connection between the shooter and Mr. Abe… Then, why ….?

When your life is not going well do you blame it on others? Is it because of the damn society? Cunning and devious politicians? Your uncaring parents? Your family’s poor money situations? The evil religious organization that sucked your family’s money?

Why is it not your own responsibility? If you had the brain to make your homemade gun, couldn’t you use your intelligence, creativity and talents for something that could have helped to improve your life?

My thoughts and emotions are boiling up. My heart is so heavy. What a waste! The life of an influential politician and the life someone who was young and smart but headed the wrong way, had been wasted and can’t be reversed……how sad.

I read a column in the online Asahi News, and was utterly moved. My best attempt of translating its last paragraph…

“One era is gone. Nevertheless, people and cars come and go as if nothing happened. This humongous city Tokyo is still pulsing as if nothing had happened. I thought of a poem written a thousand years ago. ‘The flow of the river is incessant, yet its water is never the same.’”

どうして?

なんだか次から次へといろいろ用事ができてブログが書けなかった数週間。やっとタクセーダのコテージに来て、リラックスして、頭をひやして、何か書けるかなと思ったら、いきなり飛び込んできたニュース。

日本で安倍元首相が暗殺されたという。

何ともショッキングなニュースに胸がザワザワ、心がドロドロして気楽にブログなど書けない。

あんなに平和な日本で?しかもあんなに美しい古代都市の奈良で?平和で温和で律儀な国民、私がいつも誇りに思っている日本。誰が一体どうしてそんなことを?殺したいと思い詰めるほど人を憎むとは…なんと悲しいことだろう。

人生が上手くいかないのは不親切な社会のせい?嘘つきの政治家のせい?不誠実な親のせい?お金がないから?家族の財産を吸い取った邪悪な宗教団体のせい?

どうして自分の責任じゃないの?手製銃が作れるくらいの頭脳と創造性があるなら、それを違う方向に使って人生が上手く行くよう努力することもできたんじゃないの?

思いがドクロを巻いて心が重い。それにしても1人の政治家の人生と若い頭脳明晰な犯人の人生とが無駄に終わってしまってなんともいえず…悲しい。

オンライン朝日ニュースで読む『天声人語』の終わりの一節が心にぐさっときた。

『一つの時代が終わった。それでも何事もなかったかのように人や車が行き交い、巨大都市、東京は脈動している。ゆく河の流れは耐えずして、しかも、元の水にあらず。その一節を思う。』


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PRISMA

There was a music festival called PRISMA (Pacific Region International Summer Music Association) in my little home town, Powell River, from June 13 to 26.

To tell you honestly, I had very little expectation for the quality of music. It is after all, such a small town. Nevertheless, I bought two passes for Neil and myself and looked forward to the concerts.

I was blown away. Oh, how wrong I was!

The morning of the first day, I saw young people carrying instruments and hanging a pass from their neck at many corners of our town. ‘Oh they must be the musicians participating the festival’ I thought. I remember attending music festivals when I was younger. ‘Did I look like that?…young…nervous…hopeful…’ I wondered, with a bit of nostalgia.

Concerts by guest professional musicians, concerto competition, master classes, symphony concerts, outdoor concerts…many variety of events were planned.

This festival was founded and conducted by a Dutch conductor named Arthur Arnold who now lives in Powell River and also conducting various orchestras around the world….so I heard. He is a down-to-earth, friendly, and super charismatic leader.

The two weeks went by so fast. We very much enjoyed the six concerts. The music performed by young energetic musicians was refreshing, powerful, and beautiful.

On the final day, at the final concert, the MC person thanked the musicians. “There are many music festivals in the world. Thank you so much for choosing this festival at this little Canadian town of Powell River. Thank you for coming all the way from 21 countries all over the world to this little town, two ferries away from Vancouver. Thank you for bringing your wonderful music and talent to the people in Powell River.” ….I was so moved. It brought tears to my eyes.

Many volunteers and many audiences, the whole town welcomed and supported this festival.

Listening to the beautiful violin of Scheherazade by Rimsky-Korsakov at the final concert, I couldn’t stop my tears.

Music is amazing. It’s so wonderful to share the love and joy of music.

6月13日から26日まで私の住む町パウエルリバーでPRISMAという音楽祭があった。(Pacific Region International Summer Music Association)

こんな小さな街の音楽祭なんて大したことはないだろうとたかをくくり、あまり期待もせず、でも二人分のパスだけは買ってコンサートにでかけた私。

いやはや、とんでもない大間違いだった。

13日の当日の朝、いつものようにフィットネスに出かけると町のあちこちで楽器を持ってパスを首からぶら下げた若者たちを目にした。ああ音楽祭に来ている若者たちだな。私も昔、音楽祭によく行ったけど、あんなふうだったのかな?…若くて緊張と希望の入り混じったの面持ちで…とちょっと懐かしく思ったりした。

ゲストのプロの音楽家のコンサートがあったり、若者たちのコンチェルトのコンクールがあったり、マスタークラスやシンフォニーのコンサートがあったり、野外コンサートがあったり、ともかく盛り沢山。

なんと世界21か国から若い音大生が参加しているという。

パウエルリバーに住む、オランダから移住したアーサー・アーノルドという指揮者が中心になって築き上げた音楽祭だそうだ。気さくで楽しくて面白い指揮者で、とても上手に若者たちの心を掴むカリスマ的リーダーのようだ。

あっという間に2週間が過ぎて6回のコンサートを堪能して音楽祭が終わった。若者たちのフレッシュでエネルギー溢れる音楽が毎回素晴らしい。

最後のコンサートの時に司会者が、「世界には多くの音楽祭があるのに、フェリーを2回も乗り継いで、カナダのこんな小さな町の音楽祭に、世界中の21ヵ国から来てくれて本当にありがとう。みんなの素晴らしい音楽を楽しませてくれて本当にありがとう。」と挨拶したのを聞いて、なんだか私まで痛く感動してしまった。胸がきゅーんとなった。

大勢のボランティアに支えられて、大勢の観客が来てくれて、町中が歓迎して、過ぎた2週間だった。最後のコンサートでリムスキーコルサコフのシエラザードの美しいバイオリンを聴きながら涙ボロボロになってしまった。

音楽は素晴らしい。みんなで一緒になって感動を共にするって本当に素晴らしい。心からそう思った。


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The most important now 今一番大切なこと。

On the ferry, 3, 7, 12 year old
Inquisitive 9 month old

My two daughters and four grandchildren (ages 12, 7, 3, and 9 months) were here visiting us in Powell River for the spring break. They went back home a few days ago.

All day long, our house was filled with voices of children playing, fighting, crying, shouting, and sounds of toys running, wooden blocks falling, piano pounding….and more and more. The noise was incredible.

After the bye bye chorus, our house suddenly sunk into silence. It felt a bit odd, a bit lonely, a bit sad, a bit happy, a lot relieved…kind of mixed feeling. “Oi vay…” might be the most honest expression.

I, myself, visited my parents with my three young children for a minimum of a few days to a maximum of several weeks. My parents at the time were about my current age. I wonder ..….did my mother feel like how I am feeling now? They used to take us out often to this and that restaurants for dinner. When I think of it, was it an attempt to give my mother some break from caring for such a big family? It must have been really hard for her. She must have had, just like I’m having now, back pains, and dimming eye sights…there are certainly a lot of physical imperfections manifesting at this age.

I had not seen my daughters for six months. When they arrived at the door, I noticed right away that their energy levels were low. Big letters “S T R E S S were written on their faces. They must be standing at the edge, carrying heavy burdens, I thought.

My older daughter has turned 40. It’s the age one’s body starts to go downhill. She is based in Japan, but is living in Canada for one year in order to let her children of 12 and 7 years old experience lives in Canada. All kinds of worries related to schools and language, having to live in inconvenient Lions Bay without being able to drive, having to keep peace with her little sister and the family….must be giving her so much stress.

My younger daughter is 35 and she also has a hard life. She is responsible for a big mortgage, raising two little children, and she has just returned to her work from maternity leave. Her three year old boy is very cute but a big handful. He is at a stage of loud “no!” for everything. Her nine month old girl is like an angel, but her curiosity has no end. She crawls everywhere, puts everything in her mouth. She is almost walking, too. I was amazed to hear that a full time daycare costs $1,900 per child per month!! That explains why I see many grandparents at parks taking care of little ones. If daycare costs that much, what can you do when young parents have/want to work? Something is terribly wrong. You cannot afford anything if you don’t work….don’t daycares exist in order to provide decent care to children so that parents can work? …children are the future of our society, aren’t they? People work, pay taxes, and that becomes the basis of governments and societies managing to function….right? Something is terribly wrong.

I am seriously worried about my daughters’ well being. They have big responsibilities for the wellness and happiness of their children. They have long years to go. I pray that they can stay healthy.

Please, my sons-in-law, take good care of your families. Think, what is the most important, most precious, in your life now, and make that your priority. Together with your wife, create a happy family. Rather than living for your own accomplishments, please take care of each other, and live for today❣️

春休みで遊びに来ていた娘たち2人と孫たち4人(12歳、7歳、3歳、9ヶ月)が、数日前、元気に帰っていった。

子供たちの遊ぶ声、喧嘩する声、赤ちゃんの泣き声、叫び声、オモチャや積み木が崩れ落ちる音、ピアノをバンバン叩く音…などなどが一日中鳴り響いてそれはそれはにぎやかだった。

バイバイの合唱のあと急にし〜んと静まりかえった我が家。寂しいような、ちょっぴり悲しいような、ちょっぴり嬉しいような、ほーっとため息が出るような、複雑な心境。『やれやれ…疲れたなぁ…』というのが正直な気持ちかも。

しかし、私もさんざん子供3人を連れて実家に行って数日間から数週間も滞在したものだけど、当時今の私くらいの年齢だった両親も、同じような気持ちでいたのかなあ。夕飯はほぼ毎日のように中華だのファミリーレストランだのに食べに連れていってくれたけど、あれは大勢の食事の支度の大変さを回避するためだったのかもしれないなと今になると思う。母も大変だったんだろうなあ。今の私と同じように腰が痛かったり目がかすんだり…65歳を過ぎると急に色々故障が出てくるものだから。私の場合はまだフィットネスだのヨガだの水泳だので動いているからマシなのかもしれないけど、母は運動が苦手だったものなあ。

半年も会っていなかった娘たちだけど、今回顔を見てすぐに「あれ?」と思った。2人とも大きな文字で『ストレス』と書いてあるような顔をしていた。これは2人とも精神的にかなりギリギリの生活をしているなと思った。

上の娘は40歳でそろそろ体が下り坂に向かうとき。日本に住んでいるんだけど、12歳と7歳の子供たちにカナダ生活を体験させるために1年間の予定で来ている。子供たちの学校や英語の心配や、慣れないライオンズベイでの生活、妹家族との同居も気をつかって大変なんだろうな。

妹の方は35歳で家のローンをかかえ、ものすごく可愛いけどやんちゃで乱暴で何を言っても「ノー‼️」の大声が返ってくる3歳児と、ニコニコ天使のようだけどそろそろ歩き始めそうで目の離せない9ヶ月の赤ちゃんの面倒を見ながら、産休がそろそろ終わりに近づき、責任あるポストの仕事に復帰し始めている。昨今は保育園って何と、月額ひとりあたり1900ドルもするそうな。公園に行くと年老いたおばあさんが子供達を遊ばせているのをよく見かけるけど、保育園がこれだけ高いとお爺さんお婆さんに頼らざるをえない事情もわかるような気がする。だけど、どこか、何か、おかしくない?若い夫婦が子育てをしながら安心して働けるように保育園があるんじゃないの?そうして働いて税金を払うことで国が成り立っているんじゃないの?

重いストレスを抱えた娘たちの身体的、精神的な健康が心から心配。これから子供達を育て上げていかなければならない身、どうか病気になったりしませんように…切に祈っている。

娘婿さんたちにお願いがあります。どうか家庭を大切にしてね。自分のことよりも、家族の健康と幸せを第一に考えて、2人で協力しあって幸せな家庭を築いてください。『今現在』一番大切なのは『過去の栄誉』でも『未来の栄光』でもなく、自分の分身である子供たち、そしてかけがえのない『家族』であることをお互い忘れないでね。❣️


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Don’t Look Up ドント・ルック・アップ 

 

Beautiful planet earth
My beloved family in Hawaii
My beloved family in Lions Bay
My beloved family in Japan
Raiden and Tora 🥰

Recently, I watched the movie that everybody is talking about, “Don’t Look Up” at our friend’s home here in Powell River.

A girl who is a PhD candidate discovered a comet which is rapidly approaching planet earth, and calculated that there is a high probability of colliding with earth in approximately 6 months time.

The story was utterly and depressingly realistic. In fact, I have heard that dinosaurs went extinct because of collision of a comet, which created the Ice Age by a huge volume of ash covering the earth blocking the Sun for a long time. How can you be sure it could never happen again? The PhD student and her professor reported this news to the world, and people’s reactions, when they heard this, were amazing. Most of them didn’t believe it. They didn’t take it seriously and laughed. Some business people used the story to make money. Some politicians used the story for their own political gains. Most people just did nothing….even when it became clear that this was truly going to happen. People are unbelievably short sighted and self centered….so depressing and sickening.

I have a tendency to take things on a personal level. My thinking somehow doesn’t easily engage in the direction of social justice or political reformation when I watch movies, dramas, or read novels. I’d rather take the story personally, and think in relation to myself and my life. This movie was not an exception. I started thinking seriously what I would do if I got to know that every being on the earth go extinct in 6 months. I will die, and everybody dies, and everything will be destroyed in 6 months.

Since I don’t have any social status anyway, I wouldn’t be caring what people would think of me. Since everybody dies in 6 months and there will be no life anyway, what would be the use of having money? If I die in 6 months, my health wouldn’t mean much, as long as I would keep myself reasonably healthy for 6 months….might as well eat everything I love as much as I want, do/get everything I want as much as I want….

Wait…. but there are 6 months. I’m not dying right now. Maybe I can spend my money on making my loved ones happy….? I would fly to Hawaii, Lions Bay, and Japan to hold my children, grandchildren, and my dad and my sister as tight as I can…? I would fly to Japan and invite all my family to stay just one last night in a heavenly beautiful hot spring inn…? I would write letters after letters like crazy, letting people know how much I appreciate them, how much I love them…? I would definitely treasure and mindfully live every moment I would be with Neil and our dogs.

As I’m writing this, I have noticed something so stunningly disturbing. I am just as self centered as everybody in the movie. I am thinking of my own beloved family and friends, treasuring my own beloved life and time…..what about all the people who are not directly connected to me and to my life?

It made me re-realize how wonderful my friend “A” is, tirelessly working and actually doing things to improve lives of people who are living in poverty, and “H” who is actually doing so much to bring awareness to people and lobbying to protect vulnerable lives of animals.

つい最近、ここパウエルリバーの友人宅で、今話題になっているドント・ルック・アップ Don’t Look Up という映画を観た。

この物語は、博士号を取得するために勉強中のある女学生が、地球に接近中の彗星を発見して、複雑な計算の結果、約半年後に地球に衝突する可能性が強いことを人類に知らせようとする話。すごく現実的で、実にあり得る話だと思った。実際に恐竜が全滅したのも、彗星が地球に衝突したのが原因で、太陽の熱が厚い灰に遮られて氷河期に突入したからだと聞いたことがある。突然そんな彗星が現れても不思議ではないよね。でもその話を聞いた人間たちの反応がすごい。ほとんどの人たちが信じない。相手にしない。笑いとばす。その話を利用してお金儲けを企んだり、政治的に利用しようとしたり。信じられないほど短絡的で自己中心的。気分が悪くなるほど絶望的だった。

私は映画にしてもドラマにしても小説にしても、なぜかいつも社会的な見方をしないで、私的というか個人的な見方をしてしまう傾向にあるんだけど、今回もそう。地球が6ヶ月後に全滅するって知ったら、私だったらどうするだろうって真剣に考えてしまった。

どうせもともと何の地位もない私だから、今さら自分がどう思われようと関係ないし、6ヶ月後に全滅するんだったらお金なんてあったって仕方がない。6ヶ月後に何もかもなくなるなら健康的に生きても仕方がない? 好きなものをたらふく食べて、好きなものを買って、好きなことをして…

でも待てよ… 今すぐではなく6ヶ月あるんだから、私にとって一番大切な家族たちや友人たちが、最も幸せな6ヶ月を過ごせるようにお金を使うかな?日本に飛んで父や妹や甥姪を抱きしめる、ハワイとライオンズベイにとんで娘、息子、孫たちをかたくかたく抱きしめる… 家族みんなを日本に呼んで素晴らしい温泉宿で思い出に残る一晩を過ごす… 大事な人たちに手紙を書きまくる…感謝の気持ちを伝える…いかに愛しているかを伝える。ニールと犬たちと過ごす大切な大切な時間を噛み締める。

ここまで書いて、はたと思った。結局私も自分中心なことばかり考えているんじゃないか。映画の中の人たちと何も変わらないのではないか。自分にとって大切な人、大切なことばかりを考えて… 自分とつながりのない人や動物はどうするの?

改めて、貧困を改善する社会的な運動に一生懸命尽くしている友人「A」を始め、動物を守る運動をする友人「H」、素晴らしい尊敬すべき友人がまわりにいることに感謝した。見習わなければいけないと思った。


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My first dream of 2022 初夢

Neil and Kafka
Chor Musica concert, Dec. 2021 Neil is the second from right
Lu in the snow

I had a dream. Some bitterness lingered after waking up for quite a while into the morning. What does this dream mean? Is it giving me some kind of message? I wasn’t sure if I should write about it. Neil encouraged me to write….so I’m trying.

I don’t remember many details of the dream, but I’m trying to recover as much as I can. It was something like this….

“ A room somewhere. A cloth couch in the room. I can see a thread of smoke. Why smoke? Where is it coming from? Looks like it’s coming from the couch. Why? What is burning? Oh…the smoke has now disappeared. I have to tell Neil about this when he comes home. He might have idea what was burning. There might be a cinder somewhere on the couch…

A telephone call…. What? Neil passed away? So suddenly? So Unexpectedly?

……But I haven’t yet told him about the smoke from the couch. I was going to, but I haven’t, and I can’t any more. It’s too late…”

What a weird dream. I opened my eyes. Neil was next to me, sleeping and snoring. What a relief.

A thought came to my mind. Yes, all that mundane everyday stuff, boring stuff, some unimportant thoughts, complaints of this and that….it’s kind of important to be able to talk about these things without worrying, without thinking through. It’s kind of precious because talking about these things helps me to be me, authentic me. If the person I talk to suddenly disappears…a chill ran through my spine. I never thought of it before….. I am lucky to have Neil, indeed, someone I can talk to and someone who would listen…

But, everyone will have a farewell sometime. There are many people who live alone. We will, for sure, have a day we have to say good bye. We must prepare for that day, enjoy each other’s presence to the fullest today, now, and forever in this moment. For, tomorrow might already be too late.

My thoughts on the second morning of 2022. What a dream….!

夢をみた。すごく後味の悪い夢で目がすっかり覚めてからも苦い余韻が残っていた。この夢にはどういう意味があるんだろう、ちょっと考えさせられた。ブログに書こうかどうしようか迷ったんだけど、ニールが書け書けというから、書いてみるかな。

細かいことはよく覚えてないんだけどできる限り再現してみると……

『どこかの部屋。布製のソファがある。細い煙が見える。なぜ煙が? どこから煙が出てるの?よく見ると煙はソファのどこかから出ている。どうして?何が燃えてるの?ニールが帰ってきたら聞いてみなきゃ。あっ 煙が消えた。何かが燃えて燃え尽きたみたい。ソファに焦げ跡があるかも…。

電話。え?ニールが亡くなった?突然、なんの予告もなく…?

…だけどニールに煙のことをまだ話してない…。話そうと思っていたのに、まだ話してない。もはや話せなくなってしまった… どうすりゃいいの?』

変な夢だよね。目が覚めて隣を見ると👀いびきをかいて眠っているニールがいる。ホッとする。

で、ふと思った。そうだ。日常のつまらないなんでもないようなこと、ちょこっと感じたこと、なんだかんだとうるさいこと…を気軽にスルッと話せるって意外に大事だよなあ。話すことで自分が自分になる、正直な真の自分になる。話せる人が急にいなくなったら…ゾーッと背筋が寒くなったような気がした。考えたこともなかったけど、話せるって幸せなことなんだなあ。ニールがいてくれてよかった。聞いてくれる人がいてくれてよかった。

でも別れってどんな人間にも必ず訪れるものだから、一人で暮らしている人はいくらでもいるんだから、お互いに心の準備はしておいた方がいいのかもしれない…お互いの存在に感謝して、存分に楽しんで、1日1日、今現在を、大切にしなけれな…明日になればもう遅すぎるかもしれないから。

そんなことを考えさせられた初夢だった。縁起でもないよね。


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White Christmas ホワイトクリスマス

Morning walk with the dogs
Sun rise

Only 3 days left in 2021.

I am looking out the window from our house in Powell River. It is a pure white snowland…

Although our plan was to be in Lions Bay and spend the time with our grandchildren, we decided to cancel the trip, because of the Omicron variant of Covid and the exceptionally freezing weather predicted. It was too bad, I needed to go to special stores in Vancouver and purchase some ingredients for the New Years feast. We were looking forward to go dining at our favorite restaurants in Vancouver area.

Disappointing, indeed.

However, the white snow land in Powell River is so beautiful. We are enjoying the house we love, and having a quiet, intimate, and cozy time with my beloved husband and our adorable dogs. They are just such precious moments and I am so grateful.

I was planning to go swimming this morning, but it was snowing with the temperature of minus 14℃. I happily decided to chill out at home.

So nice to have a day like this.

I was looking forward to start a new life in Powell River, partly because I wanted to run away from my fully booked calendar in Vancouver. However, this November and December turned out just the same or worse… it was more than full.

I sang in four choir concerts, I am now a music volunteer person (organ, piano, and choir) at the Anglican Church here, I am exercising 3 days a week, fitness and swimming, I am walking 4+ kilometers a day with Neil and the dogs, and I am poking my head so hard twice a week studying French…… you know…. they are all my own choices….all my fault…..I know. Where is the simple life that I aspired and dreamed of? ….. somehow dissipated into somewhere far far away.

However, there were some positives in my life the last two months. I am not an extroverted person at all, but I was able to make some new friends. Friends who love music, who come to the church, who say hello at the swimming pool, who sweat at the rec center together….. It’s exciting to imagine and look forward to the possible friendship cultivating with the new friends.

And, I have to tell you about the heavenly moments that I cherish. I open the rec center door after exercising, and breathe into my lung to the fullest, the freshest and cleanest air emanated from the tall beautiful trees in the woods surrounding me. A truly heavenly moment….

Many many thanks to all of you for 2021, and have a happy and healthy new year.

あと3日で2021年も終わりを告げる今日、パウエルリバーの家の窓から真っ白な雪の世界を眺めている。

本当はクリスマス前に知香や瑠都の一家が住むライオンズベイの家に行ってにぎやかに年末を過ごすことになっていた。お正月用の食物の買い出しもあるし、大好きなレストランの数々にも顔を出したかった。でもコロナの新種オミクロン株や極寒の天気予報など諸々の理由から今回はライオンズベイ行きを取りやめることにした。

本当に残念!

でもおかげさまでこの美しい雪世界を拝めることができたし、ニールと可愛い犬たちとの密な温かいときを持てて、それなりに幸せを噛み締めている。

今日は本当はプールに水泳に行くつもりだったんだけど、朝起きたら雪で体感温度がマイナス14℃だというから、しめしめ喜んで雪ごもり。

たまにはこういう時があってもいいなあ。

自分の思い通りにならないスケジュールびっしりの毎日から逃げ出したいということもあってパウエルリバーに引っ越したのに、11月12月はまさにスケジュールびっしりだった。

所属しているコーラスのコンサートが4つもあったのと、聖公会の教会で音楽のボランティア(オルガン、ピアノ、聖歌隊)を始めたのと、週3日はフィットネスや水泳をして運動しているのと、毎日犬たちと最低4キロ歩いているのと、週2回、錆びついた頭をせっついてフランス語の勉強をしているのと……全部自分で決めたことなんだけど、誰のせいでもないんだけど、ちょっとというか、かなりやりすぎかも。

憧れていたシンプルライフはどこに? 夢見たシンプルライフとは程遠い生活になってしまったと内心、反省している。

でもプラスの面もあったよ。あまり外交的ではない私がここ2ヶ月でずいぶん多くの人と知り合った。音楽好きな人たち、教会に来てくれる人たち、いつもプールで出会う人たち、フィットネスで一緒に汗を流す人たち……。これから、新しく知り合った人たちとどういう展開が待っているのかちょっと楽しみ。

そして私の至極の幸せは運動したあと、ガラスのドアを開けて一歩外へ出た瞬間。周りを大きな、背の高い木々の森に囲まれて、木々が吐き出す新鮮な空気を胸いっぱいに吸い込んで、その美味しさを味わう数秒間。

今年1年間本当にお世話になりました。私のつたないブログを読んでくれてありがとうございました。良い新年をお迎えください。