pocoapocowithsmile

Suddenly Sick! 突然の病気

2 Comments

A few days after we all enjoyed our family reunion, I started feeling some minor body pain. Although I didn’t pay much attention at the time thinking it’d go away soon, it started to make me sicker and sicker. I couldn’t get out of bed. You know, I never get sick. I never get high fever. Why does it happen to me just when my daughter and grandchildren whom I rarely get to see are visiting from Japan?Nevertheless, my body was out of control. Then my brain also got out of control. It felt like I lost my ability to find words. “This is not good” my two daughters swiftly and firmly decided to take me to the emergency. “Emergency? That’s so overreacting…” I remember thinking that briefly, but next thing I remember was that I was in a hospital bed.

It was a weird experience. Doctors and nurses came to my bedside one by one and asked me, “so what day is today?” “When is your birthday?” “Who is this person?” (pointing at Neil) I know the answers but I couldn’t put them to words.

They did all kinds of tests. Until they could figure out what disease I had, they had to treat me for the worst possible scenario. I was quarantined at the hospital for five days! The diagnosis in the end was that I had viral meningitis. If it was bacterial meningitis, it could have left me some brain damage or even, could have taken my life.

OMG… how did I get such a terrible thing… It really made me think.

First of all, it reminded me of Don Juan’s words in the book by Carlos Castaneda, “death is always at our left side where we can just reach by extending our arm”. It really is true, so realistic now. I was healthy with so much energy. Who would have thought, in just one day it could completely turn around to the point I could have died? Death might really be there, always, a paper thin away, and could just move over and take me.

Another thing I realized was that now our children are bosses. Despite how healthy and sharp I was for a person in her early 60s, once I got sick, my daughters of 30s totally took over the leadership. It was a bit shocking. The end result was that they were right, they saved my life, and I am very grateful for that. But, does it mean we could be losing control of our own lives? in our 60s? Are we not steering wheels of our own lives any more?

When I think of it ….. isn’t it exactly the same thing that I did to my own mother when she became weak?

We get older little by little each day. As we feel that, we begin to think hard, plan, and prepare for our old age. Our children of 30s, of course, are in their midst of running the world, and have no idea what is happening to us or how it feels to be getting older. What happens if they take over our lives…? How did my mom feel….?

So what can we do…? I don’t know…it’s really a difficult problem.

シアトルでファミリーリユニオンを楽しんだ数日後、なんとなく身体の節々が痛いような気がした。気のせいだろうと思っていたら、どんどん気分が悪くなって寝込んでしまった。私が熱を出して寝込むなんて滅多にないことだからびっくり、しかも滅多に会えない孫達が日本から来ていて色々一緒に楽しみたいのに身体が言うことを聞かない。

結局まる1日寝込んでしまったところで今度は意識がもうろうとして何か言おうとしても言葉が出て来なくなった。これはおかしいと娘達が率先して救急病院に連れて行ってくれた。救急病院だなんて大袈裟な…とちらっと思ったけど意識がもうろうとしてたから、気がついたらすでに病院のベッドだった。

こんなに不思議な体験は初めて。とにかく脳が機能しなくなったような感じだった。お医者さんや看護婦さんが入れ替わり立ち替わり「今日は何月何日?」とか「生年月日は?」とかニールを指して「この人誰?」とか聞いてくるのに答えられない。

検査が終わるまでは、最悪の場合を想定して、隔離して点滴治療をするということで5日間も入院してしまった。結局ウイルス性の髄膜炎という診断で無事退院できたのだけど、もしこれが細菌性の髄膜炎だったら後遺症が残ったり下手すると死に至る可能性もあったそうだ。

やれやれ😥 なんともタイミング悪く大騒ぎをさせてしまった。でもなんだか考えさせられた。まず、今読んでいる本 (「イクストランへの旅」カルロス カスタネダ著) の中に出てくるドン フアンの言葉、「死はいつでもわしらの左側、腕を伸ばせば届くようなところにいるんだ」がものすごく現実味を伴って感じられたこと。だって全くもって完璧に健康体だった体が、わずか1日後には「死ぬかもしれない」とまで消耗してしまうのだから。死ってほんの紙一枚離れたところでつねに待ってて、ある時クルッと思いもかけない速さで訪れるのかもしれない。

次に、私自身は60代前半でまだまだ若く頭もしっかりしているつもりだったのに、今回すっかり30代の娘達に主導権を取られてしまったことも何とも複雑な思いだ。結果的にはおかげさまで命が助かって感謝しているんだけど… 。もう子供達の時代になってしまって、これからどんどんこんな風に自分の人生を自分で舵取りできなくなっていくんだろうか。

思えば私も同じことを我が母親にしたんだけど…

人間っていきなり年をとるんじゃなくて少しずつ老いが進んでくるのだから、その間にこれからの人生のことを色々考えて準備して計画するわけでしょ。その過程もなければ気持ちも想像できない30代の人生最盛期の子供達にいきなりリーダーシップをとられてしまってはこれは困るなって感じがするんだよね。

亡き母もそんな風に思ったかな。

じゃあどうすればいいの?と言われても困るんだけど。ともかく複雑〜〜〜

Author: Haruyo Abramson

I'm a musician, mom, and grandma, living in BC, Canada with my husband and three dogs.

2 thoughts on “Suddenly Sick! 突然の病気

  1. Dearest Haruyo,

    What a terrible thing to happen to you! I am thankful that your daughters insisted that you go to LGH, and that the viral meningitis was discovered so quickly. When my daughter Rebekah was 4 months old, she had bacterial meningitis, so I spent a lot of time with her in hospital breastfeeding her, singing to her, walking with her in my arms. The medicines they gave her, and my presence, and her dad’s, helped her get better in a week’s time.

    I hope you will feel better, and more like your usual happy self soon.

    My love and prayers,

    Ginger

    Ps I may have sent this message before, but thought I’d do it again, in case I hadn’t

    From: pocoapocowithsmile Reply-To: pocoapocowithsmile Date: Sunday, September 1, 2019 at 11:13 PM To: Subject: [New post] Suddenly Sick! 突然の病気

    Haruyo Abramson posted: “A few days after we all enjoyed our family reunion, I started feeling some minor body pain. Although I didn’t pay much attention at the time thinking it’d go away soon, it started to make me sicker and sicker. I couldn’t get out of bed. You know, I never “

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s