The trip for Neil and I for this summer was to Macedonia and Bulgaria.  We went to Macedonia for a wedding for a week.  Bulgaria was sort of chosen quite accidentally. We loved both places, and this trip made me think about ‘En’. It is a Japanese word which does not really have an equivalent translation in English.  It means something like ‘connections with people’ or ‘karma between people’ or ‘synchronicity in meeting people’….something like that.

I met Lucy more than ten years ago.  I was still working downtown in the World Trade Centre building.  Lucy was a co-op student from Simon Fraser University working for one of the BC government offices.  We first chatted when we were passing by each other in the corridor. I remember her saying at the time that she was studying Japanese.  I saw her several times either in the corridor or lunch room.  We only chatted for a few minutes.  I was very busy at the time with so many changes happening at work, and did not really notice until one day a memo came from the government office saying she was leaving. “Oh…. so Lucy is finishing her co-op program and going back to school,” I phoned her up and invited her for lunch.  That was the beginning of our friendship.

“So what are you studying when you go back to SFU?” I asked.

“I’m taking a class called Business Strategy,” she said.

“Oh…. oh, really? Who is the professor?”

Then, she looked for a piece of paper down in her purse, picking it out, and said,

“Hm…. Dr. Neil Abramson…” My eyes rolled.

I told her that he is my husband, and we agreed to keep it secret.  So for the whole semester Neil had no idea Lucy and I were friends.  Lucy finished the class with an excellent mark, and Neil had a pleasant surprise afterward.

Lucy kept in touch with us.  She came to visit us, talked about her future studies, work issues, career….  Neil was happy to give her feedback, talk about his own experiences, and became like her mentor.  And one day, we received a phone call from Toronto, that she was getting married in Macedonia!  Life is interesting…..

So that’s how our Macedonia trip happened.  When I was looking for some tour to participate in after the wedding, scrolling up and down my favorite website, responsibletravel.com, I came across this Eight Day Bulgaria Cultural Tour.  Since Europe in August can be so crowded and expensive, wouldn’t it be nice to go to a place where it’s quiet and relatively unknown….  We certainly made the right choice.

I had never dreamed of visiting Macedonia or Bulgaria.  They were simply not on my list of the places I wanted to visit.  Life is indeed interesting. How much I enjoyed being there, learning about their history, religion, politics, culture, exotic villages, traditional houses, arts and crafts…., were totally beyond words.  We certainly had an adventurous time driving ourselves in a rental car from Sofia to Skopje to Lake Ohrid, and back to Sofia.  Above all, I enjoyed the people.  In Macedonia, meeting Lucy’s newly husband, Mitko, and their families and friends was very special. I met Lucy’s mother and sister for the first time and enjoyed talking with them.  I became reacquainted with Neil’s former student, Sarah, and her husband and their little boys. I thought Mitko’s mother was so dynamic.  She was an enthusiastic person, dancing for hours, entertaining and taking care of people.  She looked cheerful, yet I kept wondering how she really was feeling… No doubt she must have been exhausted having had no sleep for days organizing this event.  No doubt she would be feeling ‘lonely‘.  Who wouldn’t?  Her only son is soon moving away to Canada. She had lost her daughter to a car accident, and her husband to some illness.  She lives alone in a small town two hours away from Skopje.  Nevertheless, I was utterly moved by her way of ‘living the moment’. Let’s not worry about the future at ‘this moment’. Let’s not dwell on the past.  Let’s enjoy ‘now’. Let’s live ‘now’ to the fullest.  Let’s provide the best ‘now’ to the guests. I really appreciated her hospitality.

In Bulgaria, we stayed seven nights in a house called “EKO ART” owned and operated by a sculptor, Encho Gankogski and a photographer, Velichka Gankogska. The house was in a small village called Drashkova Polyana, population only 76, situated at the foot of the Balkan mountains.  It is sort of like Minshuku in Japan, or a B&B (with lunch and dinner) in North America.  Not a hotel or inn, but a house, and Vily cooked wonderful meals for us with their home grown vegetables.  Encho taught us pottery.  We went to a nearby town called Troyan (population about 20,000) and learned icon painting.  We went to a small deserted looking village and learned woodcarving.  We were introduced to some traditional instruments, and had fun dancing. For a person like me, who is not so young, interested in different cultures, ….not particularly interested in luxury or expensive shopping or deluxe dining, or relaxing on a beach all day….you get the idea…, this tour was perfect.  Neil and I got to emerge in the village life and got to experience the culture by learning, being taught hands-on by local people. I liked the fact that our visit actually helped to bring income to the village people, not to a mammoth corporation. Our guide and interpreter, Ivan Dinkov, was a brilliant man.  He said he was educated in a Russian school.  He was a truly smart and unique character.  He had interesting views of life and the world, perhaps coming from his upbringing by his communist poet father and actress mother.  He provided us with many many stimulating and interesting conversations for the eight days.

I wonder…people are like threads.  We live in different parts of the world, live totally different lives having no idea who exists where… and one day we meet. Threads come to be woven together for a period of time, and then part again.

Is Vily picking her tomatoes and cooking those delicious meals now?

Is Encho enjoying his own flavorful apple Raki now?

Is Ivan walking through the mountain pass where a flock of sheep and goats peacefully munch guarded by sheepdogs?

And, I am back in Canada with my own life.

Life is really interesting.

今年の旅行はマケドニアとブルガリアだった。マケドニアは結婚式に出席するため、そしてブルガリアはどちらかというと偶然。でもなんだか人の縁について考えさせられる旅だったように思う。

私がルーシーと出会ったのはもう１０年以上も前のこと。まだダウンタウンのワールドトレードセンター内で働いていたころだ。サイモンフレーザー大学の研修生のような形で州政府のオフィスに派遣されてきた彼女と廊下でちょこっと立ち話をしたのが始まりだった。日本語の勉強をしていると言っていた。それから何度か廊下やランチルームで軽く会話を交わした。感じのいい子だとは思ってたけど、私も仕事が忙しかったし、いろいろなことが重なってそれ以上のお付き合いはなかった。ある日、ルーシーのお別れ会の通知が来た。「ああそうか、もう研修が終わって大学に帰るんだなあ。お別れ会には残念だけど出られないなあ。。。」それで代わりに「ランチ食べに行かない？」と誘ったことから私たちの付き合いが始まった。

「大学に戻ったら何の勉強するの？」と聞くとビジネスストラテジーのクラスを取るという。「え？あら。。教授は誰？」と聞くとガサガサ、バッグの中から紙を取り出して「うーんと。。。ニール　エイブラムソンっていう人」というからびっくり。「ニールは私の夫だけど、お互い私たちが友達だってこと内緒にしとこうね。」ということでニールは何も知らないまま、ルーシーは無事に優秀な成績でクラスを終えた。もちろんあとで実は私たち友達だったときいてニールはびっくり。

それから何年もルーシーは機会あるごとにニールや私に会いに来てくれた。進路や仕事の話をしてくれて、ニールはとくに彼女のメンターのような役割を果たしたのかもしれない。その彼女が思いがけずマケドニアでマケドニア人の素敵な彼氏と結婚式を挙げることになった。人生分からないものだ。それなら私たちもぜひ行こうではないか、とマケドニア行きを計画したのだ。結婚式は８月だからそのあとどこかに寄りたいけどヨーロッパはどこも観光客でいっぱい、どこか静かなところはないかなあと探していて、たまたま目に付いたのがブルガリア。

訪れることになるとは夢にも思ってなかった国々。全く思いがけなかった旅行。エキゾチックな景色に何も知らなかった歴史や宗教、政治状況、遺跡の数々、興味深い旅だった。でも何よりも私の心を強烈に打ったのは出会った人々だ。マケドニアでは、ルーシーやミッコの家族や友達との素敵な出会いがあった。新郎のお母さんの姿も目に焼き付いている。いったいどこからそんなエネルギーが出てくるの？と目を見張るようなダイナミックな明るいお母さんで、ゲストのみんなを先導して踊ったり会話をしたり気配りをしたり。言葉が通じず直接会話は出来なかったけど、聞けば交通事故で１８歳の娘さんを亡くし、数年前には旦那さんを亡くし、母一人子一人だという。たった一人の最愛の息子が結婚して近い将来、遠くカナダへ行ってしまうことに淋しい思いをしていないわけがないのに、この明るさはどこから来るのか。。。「今」を大切にしよう。「今」を楽しもう。お客さんに最高の「今」を提供しよう。そんな心配りを感じて心が温まった。

ブルガリアではバルカン山脈の麓の小さな小さな人口７６人の村で、彫刻家のエンチョと写真家のヴィリーが経営するEKO ART というハウスに７泊した。ペンションとか民宿とかって感じかな？一軒の家で、ヴィリーが朝昼晩、庭で採れた野菜を使ってホームメイドの素晴らしい食事を作ってくれた。エンチョは私たちに陶芸を教えてくれた。Troyanという町（人口約２万人）に行ってアイコンペインテイングを習ったり、さらに寂れた部落で木彫りを教わったり、民族楽器やダンスを習ったり。。。観光客である私たちのお金が直接村に住む人々の収入になる、私たちも村の人たちと直接接して彼らの生活や文化を学ぶ、そんな企画が嬉しかった。ずっとつきっきりで通訳してくれたガイドのイヴァンは共産党の党員だった父親と女優の母親の元に生まれロシア語で教育を受けた人。頭脳明晰、ユニークな思考の持ち主で、話に刺激があり、とても楽しかった。

地球の反対側で、全く違った環境で生きてきて、全く異なる人生を歩んできて、今まで全く関係のなかった人たち、そんな人たちがあるとき思いがけず出会って、人生の糸が何日間かだけ紡ぎあう。そしてまた離れていく。

今もヴィリーは天然酵母のパンを作って庭のトマトを採って美味しい夕飯を作っているだろうか。

エンチョは自作のリンゴのブランデイを目を細めながら満足げにすすっているだろうか。

イヴァンはバルカンの山を羊やヤギの群れを見ながら歩いているだろうか。

そして私はカナダの日常に戻り、こうして人の縁の不思議に思いを巡らしている。。。。

不思議だ。つくづく人の縁は不思議だと思う。

The last day of our short trip to Akashi, we visited my mother’s sister who is 95 years old.  She was lying on bed of a nursing home, not very together…in and out… But, she recognized me and said, “ah, Haruyo-chan, so nice to see you,” and cried.  She was very close to my mother and used to come to help us whenever needed.  I remember she came to take care of us when we were moving.  She was quiet, calm, and worked so hard with no complaints. I’ve heard from my late mother that although she had a sweetheart when she was 18, she was forced to give up the relationship and had to marry my uncle for some political reasons.  She could not really love her husband for her entirely life.  However, that was so normal those days.  Women were supposed to get married, raise children, take care of her family, sacrifice herself…..and that was so expected….

Her children all came to her room and we enjoyed our visits with each other.  Then, we all went to have lunch at a nearby restaurant.  What a fun time we had.  But eventually, came the time to say good-bye.  Behind our cousins waving hands and shouting bye-bye, I saw K quietly wiping her tears.  K is one of my cousin’s wife, about 70.  I think it was when I was about 20, she married my cousin. She lived with him and my aunt and uncle in the same house, worked as a school administrator all her life, and supported the family.  She is a calm person, not very talkative, but always so caring.  Of course, there is no blood relation to me, never saw each other more than just a few times, had not much conversation, there was no reason for her to be sad…  However, I saw her sorrow, loneliness, and overwhelming weight of life on her shoulders in her tears and choked my heart.  Somehow, that scene just stayed with me for a long long time.  Poor K…….

It’s kind of sad to get older.  Everything becomes heavier as the age progresses.  You lose your loved ones one by one, increasing your loneliness.  Your body starts to go wrong, taking away your confidence little by little.  How should we keep on holding our hope and continue to live happily?  I can see….it’s going to be my life project…a big one….

明石への旅の最終日、９５歳になる母の姉を訪ねた。老人ホームのベッドに横たわって意識がもうろうとしている叔母、でも「ああ、治代ちゃん、よう来たな」といって涙を流してくれた。母と仲の良い叔母で何かと言うとすぐに駆けつけてくれてご飯を作ってくれたり幼い私たちの面倒を見てくれたり。。。おとなしくて働き者で辛いことがあっても文句一つ言わずだまって黙々と働いていたっけ。この叔母は１８の時に、愛する人がいたのに無理矢理引き離されて政略結婚させられて、結局最後まで夫を心から愛することが出来なかったと今は亡き母から聞いたことがある。でも昔はそれが普通だったんだと。女は結婚して子供を産んで家族のために働きづめに働いて、自分を犠牲にして。。。それが普通だったんだと。。。

叔母の部屋にいとこ達が集まってひとしきりわいわいがやがやと懐かしんだあと、みんなで昼食を食べに行った。本当に楽しいひとときだった。そしていよいよお別れのとき、にぎやかに別れを告げるいとこ達の後ろで静かにひそやかに涙をながしているKさんを見た。Kさんはいとこのお嫁さん、といってももう７０くらいだけど。私が２０歳くらいのときだったかな、いとこの所にお嫁に来て共働きをして家族を支えた。おとなしいけどしっかりした人で言葉少なく、いつも細かな気配りを忘れない人だった。もちろん血のつながりもなく、滅多に会わない私とはあまり会話を交わすこともなく、涙を流すほど私たちとの別れが悲しいはずはないんだけど。。。でもその涙に私はKさんの抱える人生の重みや悲しみ寂しさを感じて胸が詰まった。なぜかいつまでもいつまでもKさんの姿が目にこびりついた。Kさん苦労してるな。。。

年を取るってなんだか悲しい。とればとるほど悦びも悲しみもど〜んと重くのしかかってくる。だんだん愛する人たちが他界して寂しさも増してくる。体も故障してくる。気が弱くなる。そんな中でどうやって希望を持ち続け明るく生き続けるのか、これからの私の課題だなあ。。。

The last weekend in Japan, I went to Akashi with my father, my sister and her husband.  Akashi is my father’s hometown where he was born and grown up.  I was born there, too.  We had visited Akashi several times every year when I was a kid, but not at all or hardly ever after my grandparents passed away.  Then, there was a big earthquake in Kobe area and the house in Akashi was half destroyed.  The house was rebuilt; I had some major life changes in Canada; my parents became older and frail; my mother passed away; …. and before you know, it was over 20 years since we were last there.  This time, it was my sister who came up with this idea, planned and organized the trip.  We got my father get ready, my sister and her husband drove, and I just sat in the car.  So many things happened in this trip and many things made me think… and I should slowly write them down little by little.  However, the main thing is that I felt such an immense gratitude about my extended family with whom we could instantly bond after so many years/decades of not seeing each other.  Hearing episodes from our childhood made me feel so grateful that I grew up being loved by so many people.  My 86 year old father looked so happy, became at least 10 years younger, seemed so much together, and told us about the time he came back home after the war.  His voice was shaking and I knew exactly how he felt.  Seeing my father being so happy made me so happy and I just couldn’t stop my tears.

日本滞在の最後の週末、父と妹夫婦とともに父の生まれ故郷の明石に行って来た。子供の頃には毎年何度も行った明石だけど、祖父母が亡くなってからは全くと言っていいくらいご無沙汰だった。その間に阪神大震災があり、昔からの家は半壊。私もカナダで離婚、再婚、転職など人生の転換期が相次ぎ、両親も年を取って遠出がおっくうになり、母が亡くなり。。。そうこうするうちに少なくとも二十年がたってしまった。今回の明石行きは妹が発案、企画、父を連れ出して、妹夫婦が運転して、私が便乗して実現した。いろんなことがあって色々思ったことがあってこれから少しずつ書いていこうと思うけど、まずは家族、親戚がいることの幸せを痛感した旅だった。子供の頃に会ったっきりでも、何十年も会ってなくても、再会すれば即、昔に戻ってわだかまりなく笑い合える。叔父や叔母や従兄弟達、こんなにたくさんの人たちに愛されて私たちは育ったんだな、と子供のころのエピソードを聞きながら感慨深く思った。８６歳の父がまるで１０歳も若返ったようにしっかりと話をして心の底から楽しそうで、時には戦争から帰って来た時の話をしながら感激のあまり涙声になったり、そんな父の様子を見ているだけでも嬉しくて涙が出た。

Sosuke. September 7, 2014 at 10:26AM, 2,965 gram. At that moment, I was driving the Hwy 99 toward Lions Bay. It was the evening of Saturday the 6th in Vancouver.

When Tomoka’s pain started, Ikkei(her younger brother) was at Tomoka’s house visiting from Vancouver, and was able to take care of Sumire (her 5 year old daughter). While Tomoka was in the hospital, her husband Tomo-kun took some time off from work, and Sumire even slept at the hospital for some nights. I arrived Tokyo the night before they came home from the hospital… So-chan has made his world debut in such a perfect way, timing-wise. He’s got a face with big eyes, big nose, big mouth, and yes… he is pretty handsome. Very tiny. I’ve forgotten how small new-born babies were….

However, I was shocked to see how baby birth has become a big business in Japan. Amazing, indeed.
First, I stepped in the hospital and totally shocked. Vaulted ceiling, huge windows, luxurious couches… it looked like a hotel lobby. Nurses were not wearing white robes, and the hospital admission desk looked like a hotel front reception. I took the elevator to the patient rooms and was surprised that each room had some fancy French name. The room had a queen size bed, couches & table, refrigerator, TV, deck… It really was like a deluxe hotel room. Meals were all prepared professionally at the premise. Babies were taken care of by doctors, midwives, and nurses. They got some memoir including photos, card with personal messages from the midwife, CD of the baby’s first cry…. 80% of the cost was covered by medical insurance, and the out of pocket fee was not much more than that of public hospital. Customer service was so impressive. A staff actually came to the room to settle, and three staff came to say good-bye and wish them good luck at the door… Tomoka has really been treated like a princess. She was so happy and said, “I want to come back here for another baby.”

When I gave birth to this Tomoka 32 years ago, on the other hand, it was at the house of a midwife named Mrs. Mimori. She was at the time a person of controversy. She believed in “natural birth”. Since there was another woman giving birth at almost the same time as me, I was in a tatami-room working on my breathing “hee, hee, hoooo” As soon as the person finished her delivery, I went on the delivery table. After the baby birth, I was placed with four other mothers & babies with futon placed at the four corners of the tatami-room. Mrs. Mimori cooked for us her homemade meals… The whole thing was a completely different experience from Tomoka’s. I got to know this person, Mrs. Mimori, how she lived and what she believed. She taught me some valuable lessons. Being with other mothers was an interesting experience as well. We talked a lot about all kinds of things and saw different ways of being and interacting as a couple. However, it must have been very hard for Mrs. Mimori physically. She died some time after she delivered Ikkei at probably in her late 50s. It brings tears to my eyes when I think of her that she sacrificed her health in order to give babies the most natural way of starting their lives. I feel grateful that I met her. I really respect and admire her.

奏佑君。９月７日午前１０時２６分、２９６５グラム。　私はちょうどそのときハイウエイ９９をライオンズベイに向かってドライブ中。バンクーバーでは６日土曜日の夕方だった。

お産が始まったとき、弟の一敬がちょうどバンクーバーから知香の家に来ていてスミレの世話ができたみたい。入院中は夫のトモ君も休みが取れて、スミレも病院にお泊まりできて、退院の前日に私が東京に着いて。。。と完璧なタイミングでこの世にデビューしてくれたソーちゃん。はっきりした顔立ちでお口が大きくてなかなかハンサムよ。それにしてもちっちゃい。新生児ってこんなにちっちゃかったっけ、って思っちゃった。

それにしても日本のお産はもう産業だなあって思った。すごいビジネス。まず産院に入ってびっくり。吹き抜けの天井に大きな窓、素敵なソファが並び、まるでホテルのロビーのようなの。受付も病院の受付というより、ホテルのフロントという感じ。エレベーターで病室に行くと各個室には何やらファンシーなフランス語の名前がついてて、クイーンサイズのベッドに応接セットにテレビに冷蔵庫にテラスにと、本当にホテルみたいなの。お食事もちゃんとシェフが色々栄養価を考えて用意してくれて、赤ちゃんも至れり尽くせりで、記念撮影をしてくれて、助産婦さんのメッセージを書いたカードをくれて、赤ちゃんの産声のCDをくれて。。。それでも８０％は健康保険でカバーされるから自費は、市立病院などでお産するのとほとんど変わらないんだって。精算も全部職員がお部屋に来てくれて、帰りには玄関まで職員が３人も送ってくれて、とまるでプリンセス。すっかり気を良くした知香は「またここで産みたい」と。。。

私がその知香を産んだのは自然分娩の三森助産院、３２年前。三森さんのお宅の畳の部屋で「ヒッヒッフー」とラマーズ法の呼吸を必死でやって、同時進行してたお産の人が終わったらすぐ私が分娩台に上って。。。産まれたあとも、畳の部屋の４隅に布団を敷いて四人のお母さん＋赤ちゃんと同室。お食事も産婆さんの三森さんが手作りした家庭料理が出て。。。全然違うね。でもおかげで三森さんという人物の人柄とか生き方とかが私にとって強烈な印象となって残ったし、他のお母さん達と入院中に話したことや他の夫婦のあり方とかをみていろんなことを感じたことも確か。でも激務の三森さんは健康を害して多分５０代後半くらいで、一敬をとりあげてくださったすぐあとに亡くなられた。赤ちゃん達に素敵な人生のスタートを提供してくださって、いわばご自分の健康を犠牲にされたんだなあ、と今でも思うと涙が出る。感謝の気持ちでいっぱい。本当に尊敬する人物の一人です。