pocoapocowithsmile

The most important now 今一番大切なこと。

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On the ferry, 3, 7, 12 year old
Inquisitive 9 month old

My two daughters and four grandchildren (ages 12, 7, 3, and 9 months) were here visiting us in Powell River for the spring break. They went back home a few days ago.

All day long, our house was filled with voices of children playing, fighting, crying, shouting, and sounds of toys running, wooden blocks falling, piano pounding….and more and more. The noise was incredible.

After the bye bye chorus, our house suddenly sunk into silence. It felt a bit odd, a bit lonely, a bit sad, a bit happy, a lot relieved…kind of mixed feeling. “Oi vay…” might be the most honest expression.

I, myself, visited my parents with my three young children for a minimum of a few days to a maximum of several weeks. My parents at the time were about my current age. I wonder ..….did my mother feel like how I am feeling now? They used to take us out often to this and that restaurants for dinner. When I think of it, was it an attempt to give my mother some break from caring for such a big family? It must have been really hard for her. She must have had, just like I’m having now, back pains, and dimming eye sights…there are certainly a lot of physical imperfections manifesting at this age.

I had not seen my daughters for six months. When they arrived at the door, I noticed right away that their energy levels were low. Big letters “S T R E S S were written on their faces. They must be standing at the edge, carrying heavy burdens, I thought.

My older daughter has turned 40. It’s the age one’s body starts to go downhill. She is based in Japan, but is living in Canada for one year in order to let her children of 12 and 7 years old experience lives in Canada. All kinds of worries related to schools and language, having to live in inconvenient Lions Bay without being able to drive, having to keep peace with her little sister and the family….must be giving her so much stress.

My younger daughter is 35 and she also has a hard life. She is responsible for a big mortgage, raising two little children, and she has just returned to her work from maternity leave. Her three year old boy is very cute but a big handful. He is at a stage of loud “no!” for everything. Her nine month old girl is like an angel, but her curiosity has no end. She crawls everywhere, puts everything in her mouth. She is almost walking, too. I was amazed to hear that a full time daycare costs $1,900 per child per month!! That explains why I see many grandparents at parks taking care of little ones. If daycare costs that much, what can you do when young parents have/want to work? Something is terribly wrong. You cannot afford anything if you don’t work….don’t daycares exist in order to provide decent care to children so that parents can work? …children are the future of our society, aren’t they? People work, pay taxes, and that becomes the basis of governments and societies managing to function….right? Something is terribly wrong.

I am seriously worried about my daughters’ well being. They have big responsibilities for the wellness and happiness of their children. They have long years to go. I pray that they can stay healthy.

Please, my sons-in-law, take good care of your families. Think, what is the most important, most precious, in your life now, and make that your priority. Together with your wife, create a happy family. Rather than living for your own accomplishments, please take care of each other, and live for today❣️

春休みで遊びに来ていた娘たち2人と孫たち4人(12歳、7歳、3歳、9ヶ月)が、数日前、元気に帰っていった。

子供たちの遊ぶ声、喧嘩する声、赤ちゃんの泣き声、叫び声、オモチャや積み木が崩れ落ちる音、ピアノをバンバン叩く音…などなどが一日中鳴り響いてそれはそれはにぎやかだった。

バイバイの合唱のあと急にし〜んと静まりかえった我が家。寂しいような、ちょっぴり悲しいような、ちょっぴり嬉しいような、ほーっとため息が出るような、複雑な心境。『やれやれ…疲れたなぁ…』というのが正直な気持ちかも。

しかし、私もさんざん子供3人を連れて実家に行って数日間から数週間も滞在したものだけど、当時今の私くらいの年齢だった両親も、同じような気持ちでいたのかなあ。夕飯はほぼ毎日のように中華だのファミリーレストランだのに食べに連れていってくれたけど、あれは大勢の食事の支度の大変さを回避するためだったのかもしれないなと今になると思う。母も大変だったんだろうなあ。今の私と同じように腰が痛かったり目がかすんだり…65歳を過ぎると急に色々故障が出てくるものだから。私の場合はまだフィットネスだのヨガだの水泳だので動いているからマシなのかもしれないけど、母は運動が苦手だったものなあ。

半年も会っていなかった娘たちだけど、今回顔を見てすぐに「あれ?」と思った。2人とも大きな文字で『ストレス』と書いてあるような顔をしていた。これは2人とも精神的にかなりギリギリの生活をしているなと思った。

上の娘は40歳でそろそろ体が下り坂に向かうとき。日本に住んでいるんだけど、12歳と7歳の子供たちにカナダ生活を体験させるために1年間の予定で来ている。子供たちの学校や英語の心配や、慣れないライオンズベイでの生活、妹家族との同居も気をつかって大変なんだろうな。

妹の方は35歳で家のローンをかかえ、ものすごく可愛いけどやんちゃで乱暴で何を言っても「ノー‼️」の大声が返ってくる3歳児と、ニコニコ天使のようだけどそろそろ歩き始めそうで目の離せない9ヶ月の赤ちゃんの面倒を見ながら、産休がそろそろ終わりに近づき、責任あるポストの仕事に復帰し始めている。昨今は保育園って何と、月額ひとりあたり1900ドルもするそうな。公園に行くと年老いたおばあさんが子供達を遊ばせているのをよく見かけるけど、保育園がこれだけ高いとお爺さんお婆さんに頼らざるをえない事情もわかるような気がする。だけど、どこか、何か、おかしくない?若い夫婦が子育てをしながら安心して働けるように保育園があるんじゃないの?そうして働いて税金を払うことで国が成り立っているんじゃないの?

重いストレスを抱えた娘たちの身体的、精神的な健康が心から心配。これから子供達を育て上げていかなければならない身、どうか病気になったりしませんように…切に祈っている。

娘婿さんたちにお願いがあります。どうか家庭を大切にしてね。自分のことよりも、家族の健康と幸せを第一に考えて、2人で協力しあって幸せな家庭を築いてください。『今現在』一番大切なのは『過去の栄誉』でも『未来の栄光』でもなく、自分の分身である子供たち、そしてかけがえのない『家族』であることをお互い忘れないでね。❣️

Author: Haruyo Abramson

I'm a musician, mom, and grandma, living in BC, Canada with my husband and three dogs.

2 thoughts on “The most important now 今一番大切なこと。

  1. Such beautiful family photos Haruyo… thanks for sharing. I think we are getting to the age in life now where we appreciate all the hard work involved in growing up, caring for others & ourselves, as well as the chance now to watch others experience what we have experienced. I’m always touched by your grace & wisdom, & enjoy reading your sentiments. I will be in touch further by email.

    Warm hugs to you from Saanich… Judy 🤗🌹

    Liked by 1 person

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