pocoapocowithsmile

End of a Chapter チャプターの終わり

Leave a comment

Rowley, Alberta アルバータ州のローリーにて

We are letting go of our camper.

It’s been 3 and a half years. We slept under the blanket of stars, woke up to the bright sunshine and gentle breeze, had adventures after adventures, discovered new places, encountered new situations and interesting people. We had our dreams come true. It brought us so much fun and excitement.

In Canada camping season is relatively short, basically only the summer months. We had a wonderful first year. We camped with our dogs half way across the whole continent. It was a great opportunity for us and Kafka to have an intimate time with our new dog Lulu who had been rescued in Taiwan and had just arrived to be with us in Canada. When we arrived in Regina, excruciating pains started and Neil’s knee stopped working. We couldn’t carry on camping. We came home feeling discouraged. Nevertheless, we were happy that we got to discover some really interesting places like Rowley, Alberta and Regina Beach, Saskatchewan where we would have never visited had we not camping.

The second year, Neil had a hernia operation, and when he finally recovered, it was my turn to be hospitalized for meningitis. We enjoyed a short camping trip after I was recovered, but chilly Fall arrived so early in September that the camping season had to end.

The third year, Neil had a knee operation, and a hernia operation for the second time. When he was finally recovered, this Covid-19 pandemic had started. We were told to stay home, not allowed to go outside the province, and thus all the camp grounds in BC became so full. Moreover, horrendous wild fires in the US covered our west coast with dense and heavy smoke and ashes.. Normally warm and beautiful August turned into a dark cold month. The air quality became such that our breathing became difficult. People ran to purchase air purifying machines!

We had such a bad luck for 3 years in a row. Would it be any better this year? Not likely. Covid seems to be storming through all Canada. It is unlikely that crossing the provincial borders would be allowed. The wild fires which seem to worsen every year have no sign of diminishing. And, the worst…..we are getting older faster every year. Such a pity, but a little pilot light that had started burning in the back of our heads was growing bigger and bigger. We had to finally acknowledge it. So sad…..

But, for some reason, I feel that this was the right decision for us for now. One of our wonderful chapters has come to an end….and…. that’s life.

We came to the stage in life that we need to start simplifying our lives. That means….we need to discern what we want in our life. What/who makes us happy/unhappy, what/whom we love, what we can and cannot, what are our priorities…..then what is important is to put our whole selves wholeheartedly to whatever we do.

I am 65 years old and already realizing that my body is not the same. My energy level is lower. I get tired easily. If I eat junk, right away, I see it in the mirror. What I put on is utterly difficult to put off. I see my thoughts go sliding down easily to negative. I have to consciously keep lifting up to positive. I wonder if Covid is related to this….. Is everybody feeling somewhat the same way? I don’t know…..but I should not ignore. Regardless, I should try doing what is important for me and my loved ones, helping those who need help, seeking some excitement and adventures…. and…. I need to stay healthy.

私たちの大好きなキャンパーを手放すことにした。

購入してから3年半、星の大海原のもとで眠り、頬を撫でるそよ風に目覚め、冒険して、新しい発見や体験と出会った。夢とときめきがあった。ものすごく楽しかった。

カナダでは気候的に夏に限られるキャンプだけど、1年目は素晴らしかった。犬たちを連れてキャンプしながらカナダの大陸を半分横断した。私たち2人とカフカが、台湾で保護されてカナダに来たばかりのルルと絆結びをする良い機会になった。ところが残念なことにサスカチュワン州のリジャイナまで行ったところで、激しい痛みとともにニールの膝が動かなくなってキャンプ旅行を続けられなくなった。それでも、アルバータ州のローリーやサスカチュワン州のリジャイナビーチなど、キャンプでなければ絶対に発見出来なかった面白い場所との出会いがいくつもあった。

2年目の夏にはニールの脱腸の手術があって、やっと回復したと思ったら、8月には私が髄膜炎にかかって入院するという騒ぎがあった。退院してから1週間くらいバンクーバーアイランドでキャンプしたけど、寒い秋が早々と訪れてあっという間にシーズンが終わってしまった。

3年目はニールの膝の手術や2回目の脱腸の手術があって、さらに3月ごろからコロナ騒ぎで外出禁止になったり州外に出られなくなってBC州のキャンプ場がどこも満員になったりしたあげく、8月に入ったら重い重い山火事の煙や灰がアメリカから流れてきて外で満足に息もできなくなった。多くの人々が空気洗浄機を買いに走ったという。

そんな風で不運が3年続いてしまったキャンプ旅行。コロナはまだまだ猛威を奮っていて4年目の今年も州外旅行はできそうもないし、年々ひどくなる山火事がなくなるとも思えない。一番ひどいのは、年々、加速的に年をとっている我々。しっかり実感がある。最初はバーナーの奥で種火のように細々と燃えていた思いが最近になってグツグツ沸いてきて、キャンパーを手放す決心につながった。悲しい。

でもなんとなくこれでいいって気がしている。すご〜く残念だけど一つのチャプターが終わったような気がしている。

これから少しずつ人生をシンプルにしていって本当に好きなこと、本当にやりたいこと、本当に大事なことだけにしぼってその一つ一つを大切にしていきたいと思う。

65歳を過ぎたら急に肉体の衰えを感じるようになった。疲れやすくなったし、気力が衰えてきたようにも思う。ジャンクフードを食べるとたちまち目に見えて影響があるし、コロナ禍の中、家族以外の人と接する事がないせいか自分がずいぶん消極的になったような気がしている。そんな変化を無視しないで、それでもそれなりに大切なことをこなしながら、サービス精神、奉仕精神も、ときめきも持ち続けて、ある程度の冒険もして、健康に生きていけたらと願う今日この頃。

Author: Haruyo Abramson

I'm a musician, mom, and grandma, living in BC, Canada with my husband and three dogs.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s