What has changed? コロナのおかげ?

1 Comment

It’s weird. Ever since this Corona pandemic started, I am sleeping well.

I had insomnia. Every night I was tossing right and left, facing up and down, sitting up on the bed meditating….

Jealous of some guy next to me sleeping soundly with rhythm…. I felt like yanking his feet as hard as I could.

The last resort was to turn my little lamp on, choose a most uninteresting book, and read hoping to fall asleep….

Strangely I fall right asleep when I’m watching TV, but my eyes are wide open, my head as clear as ever, as soon as I arrive in bed. I was sometimes even afraid of the night coming…..

Amazingly, ever since Covid-19 pandemic, none of them is happening. Isn’t it a wonderful shift?!

But….why? Something must have changed inside me, right? What was it that changed?

I am supposed to be having a boring life of staying home, no stimulations, no personal growth, just everyday mundaneness.

But think, now my mind might be like a new born baby, back to totally natural, with much comfort and no tensions. Thanks to the pandemic, sleeping well might be a reflection of that.

“I don’t have time!” It was my motivational force. I always heard that phrase in my head.

Don’t waste time, get ready as quickly as I can, don’t spend time on unimportant things, but spend as much time as needed for important things. Efficiency, efficiency!!!

I am 64 and my time is limited. While I still have energy and health, I want to do all the things I want to do. I want to go to all the places I want to go.

Perhaps I was too impatient. I was too greedy. I was putting too much pressure onto myself. Insomnia might have been a result of that.

So now, Covid-19 forces me to go nowhere, see nobody, and do nothing. This has become my new reality. Crying, shouting, and complaining have no effect. I have no control over it. For the first time in my adult life, I am free from all the pressure and I have returned to my natural self.

Perhaps I should thank the pandemic for giving me this awareness.

At the zoom zen meditation session, the teacher asked us, “why do you meditate?” He said meditation would help you see yourself deeper and let you know you deeper.

A Presbyterian woman minister named Lynn whom I have never met in person, but follow her on YouTube challenged us. “Easter is about dying and being reborn. in order for new you to be born, the old you has to die.”

What is “old me”? What aspect of me has to die? I was thinking about that ever since I heard her just before Easter. It’s been more than 2 weeks now and I might have the answer just bubbling up in my heart.

Let’s not be impatient. Let’s not put pressure onto myself. The “greedy me”should perish, and “natural me” shall be born. May “new me” have a slow life graceful and mindful. It’s alright if I couldn’t do everything I wanted to do in my lifetime. It’s ok to have some places left unvisited. I already have plenty of gratitudes in my life.

So there! My realization for Easter 2020!






















Author: Haruyo Abramson

I'm a musician, mom, and grandma, living in BC, Canada with my husband and three dogs.

One thought on “What has changed? コロナのおかげ?

  1. Hi Haruyo,

    Thanks for your message yesterday. I read it just before going on a walk, and it opened my eyes to take in all that I was seeing, instead of thinking about the groceries I was going to buy at Queen’s Market.

    My big news this month is that my daughter gave birth to a sweet little girl, Genevieve, born April 7th. They are at home in West Van, and doing well. I’ve seen her face to face once, and on Monday, through the front door glass panel. God is good and we are thankful.

    Ginger xo

    From: pocoapocowithsmile Reply-To: pocoapocowithsmile Date: Monday, April 27, 2020 at 5:17 PM To: Subject: [New post] Lock down ロックダウン

    Haruyo Abramson posted: ” It’s been 40 days since we came into this lockdown mode here in Canada. For me, this year was supposed to be a busy year including playing organ in some church services and RCCO concert in May. I was going to challenge playing a contemporary piece t”


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